• Teacher: "Can you please tell the class why you're so late?"
  • Me: Someone told me to go to hell
  • Me: Couldn't find it at first
  • Me: But now I'm here

zaynsbro:

Shut up mom, this isn’t a phase. this is the REAL me

image

(via dulect)

theboysinmotion:

buttpug:

rearrange this sentence

yourself kill

kill this sentence

rearrange yourself

image

(via fake-mermaid)

(Source: katara, via nishlo)

(Source: saudcleveland, via lohanthony)

It only costs $0.00 to keep it real

(Source: functionallydisabled, via jesussbabymomma)

horse-ebook:

darrynek:

*picks up banana* hello

your son. he is dead

(Source: panerasexual, via fake-mermaid)

the-plaid-princess:

When your pet adjusts their position so they can lay their head on you

image

(via trust)

trapg0ds:

joseguwop:

" i want a 6’3 boy "
bitch you need a job

have a seat

men have preferences out the ass
"i want a girl with big boobs, thick thighs, a big ass, a tiny waist, long hair, no makeup, preferably a mix a mix between beyonce and a kardashian"

a woman has a preference, yet suddenly she’s an unemployed bitch

fuck outta here with this bullshit this post is trash 

(via brokendildo)

How the Logic of "Friendzoning" Would Work If Applied in Other Instances:

  • *Man walks into a store and finds employee*
  • Man: Alright, I've had enough. Why haven't you guys hired me?!
  • Employee: Uh...well sir, when did you put in your application?
  • Man: I never filled out an application.
  • Employee: Well sir, we can't consider you for employment if you've never filled out an application.
  • Man: No, that's bullshit, because I've been coming here for years now, and every single time I tell you all how much I love this store and how much I appreciate your customer service, unlike some of your other customers might I add!
  • Employee: Well, but that doesn't-
  • Man: AND I even told you that I didn't have a job!
  • Employee: But sir, that doesn't indicate to us that you would like a job at our store. And again, if you've never filled out an application, we can't consider you. Besides, we're not hiring.
  • Man: OH! Not hiring, HA! What a laugh. I see your store go through seasonal workers all the time. They come and go like nothing, but you won't consider me as a part-time employee even though I KNOW you've been looking for workers to fill positions? That's insane!
  • Employee: Sir, we've been looking to hire a few people for management positions. Do you have any management experience?
  • Man: Well no, but what does that matter?
  • Employee: ...Well sir, that's what we're looking for. You won't be suitable for the position without management experience.
  • Man: Oh that's such a load of crap. You know, you'll be waiting around a long time for a manager if you don't lower your standards a little. Who cares if someone knows how to manage a store? I LOVE this store and I'm willing to work here, that's all that should matter to you.
  • Employee: That...doesn't make any sense.
  • Man: NO! I'm done. This is over. From now on, no more Mr. Nice Guy.
  • Employee:
  • Man:
  • Employee:
  • Man: Fuck you, slut.